“Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” -Ephesians 5:33
In this Week #2 of Fresh Year, Fresh Start we are sharing our hearts on an unfortunately touchy subject: respecting our husbands. This is not something we see much of in any arena and many of us were not raised to know what this really means and why we should consider it very important. It is my hope that as we delve into God’s word we can all learn and be convicted of this vital aspect in marriage.
As wives we have made vows to another human being that set apart this relationship as different than any other. This is an intimate, passionate, emotional relationship. Our husbands are more than our partner but are now literally our other half. We are one flesh, two joined as one, with another human being.
A flawed, sinful human being.
When we were first married I think we can safely assume that most of us had our heads in the clouds. We had visions of a lifetime filled with evenings spent snuggled on the couch in front of a roaring fire, holding hands at every turn, and never having to work at this whole love thing.
As marriage goes on we discover that “hey, they really were right when they called marriage hard work!” And after awhile, the Ephesians 5:33 passage that we used to read with fondness as we thought of how perfect our husbands are? Yeah. It gets hurriedly passed over as we seek passages on patience.
The fact is, respecting our husbands can be hard. We are not married to perfect people and neither are they. Our husbands will mess up, make mistakes, and say the wrong things. In some marriages there is heavy damage due to pornography, affairs, lying, and more. We will feel hurt and let down by them. And the question becomes: how and why should we respect them?
I think it most important to start with this absolute fact:
We are commanded to respect our husbands.
Wow.
If I really stop to read what God requires of wives in Ephesians 5:33, it kind of leaves me breathless. There is no room to not respect our husbands. It doesn’t say “Hey, respect your husband, mkay? But, of course, only if he is nice to you and only if he says all the right things and only if he meets all of our needs and only if he never messes up and only if he fits the bill of what we think the perfect husband should be.” There is no wiggle room there, just a command.
Once you have digested that, let’s move on by looking at the definition for the verb respect:
1. To regard; to have regard to in design or purpose.
2. To have regard to, in relation or connection; to relate to. The treaty particularly respects our commerce.
3. To view or consider with some degree of reverence; to esteem as possessed of real worth.
4. To look towards.
(taken from Noah Webster’s 1828 Dictionary)
I think the first definition is very fitting in our marriage topic. Our husbands have been purposed and designed for the role of head in their home by God. “For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.” -Ephesians 5:23 Ladies, we are to “regard” and “consider with . . . reverence” that position that God put our man in. It is not because he is better than we are or more mature that we must respect him. No. It is because of the office of headship ordained by God.
And just what does respect look like?
If this is a problem for you, I suggest three little (but important because of the possible impact!) actions.
- Stop talking.
Yes. If he says something you do not like don’t start in by mouthing off. Remember that he is owed respectful speech, whether he deserves it or not. I personally struggle with saying the first thing that comes off of the top of my head to my husband. Not only does it end up making me look ridiculous but I usually hurt and dishonor my husband by my words.
One big no-no is to never, and I mean never, talk badly about your husband in any way, shape, or form to anyone. There will be times when his faults and sins will need to be discussed with the right people (pastors, etc) but speaking badly about him and mocking him in public reeks of disrespect. I hurt when I have been in circles of women and they do nothing but share what their husbands faults are. I think the world would be a lot happier place if there were instead groups of women who did nothing but share what their husbands did right.
- Purpose your thoughts to be thoughts of respect.
This one is hard because oftentimes the mind is the hardest organ to control. It is very easy to go down those rabbit trail and be sucked in by Satan’s lies. Hubby misses taking out the trash can and as we stew over that it turns to how much he doesn’t do and how he never meets your needs and so on and so on. This is very dangerous. My suggestion? Nip it in the bud. Instead of letting that bag of trash get to you why not think intently on something that he has done right? “It was so awesome that he took me out to dinner last night because I was so tired. How thoughtful!” or “What a great guy! He put the kids to bed so I could get some other things done.” It may be hard to find something positive to think about, especially for those whose marriages have been steamrolled by years of hurt. I urge you to look for something, anything positive and focus on that.
- Remember.
This is an act of obedience to your heavenly Father. When you are disrespectful to your husband you are disobeying and dishonoring your God. Not only are you hurting your marriage but you are telling God that you don’t care whom He put in charge but you are going to do it your way. The other things do not matter if you are not doing this out of a heart ready to trust in Him and His ways. I urge you, sisters, to please Him with your actions and words toward your husband. You may not see immediate change but you will know regardless that you have fulfilled God’s command.
Sandra over at Heart for Him is sharing her thoughts on respecting our husbands. Be sure to head over there!
Photo credits: dlinny,
– I love this DVD series! I feel this is direct, to-the-point, no holds barred wisdom for parents on how to raise children. However, I do not agree with everything in there. I feel the advice on scheduling babies to be unwise and outdated. Feeding a newborn baby every four hours instead of on demand can mess with the mother’s milk supply as well as the fact that demand feeding at this point in their early lives means they will need to cluster feed. End of disclaimer. Moving on.
