Respect – An Act of Obedience
January 11, 2010 by Kelly
Filed under From my Heart, New Posts
“Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” -Ephesians 5:33
In this Week #2 of Fresh Year, Fresh Start we are sharing our hearts on an unfortunately touchy subject: respecting our husbands. This is not something we see much of in any arena and many of us were not raised to know what this really means and why we should consider it very important. It is my hope that as we delve into God’s word we can all learn and be convicted of this vital aspect in marriage.
As wives we have made vows to another human being that set apart this relationship as different than any other. This is an intimate, passionate, emotional relationship. Our husbands are more than our partner but are now literally our other half. We are one flesh, two joined as one, with another human being.
A flawed, sinful human being.
When we were first married I think we can safely assume that most of us had our heads in the clouds. We had visions of a lifetime filled with evenings spent snuggled on the couch in front of a roaring fire, holding hands at every turn, and never having to work at this whole love thing.
As marriage goes on we discover that “hey, they really were right when they called marriage hard work!” And after awhile, the Ephesians 5:33 passage that we used to read with fondness as we thought of how perfect our husbands are? Yeah. It gets hurriedly passed over as we seek passages on patience.
The fact is, respecting our husbands can be hard. We are not married to perfect people and neither are they. Our husbands will mess up, make mistakes, and say the wrong things. In some marriages there is heavy damage due to pornography, affairs, lying, and more. We will feel hurt and let down by them. And the question becomes: how and why should we respect them?
I think it most important to start with this absolute fact:
We are commanded to respect our husbands.
Wow.
If I really stop to read what God requires of wives in Ephesians 5:33, it kind of leaves me breathless. There is no room to not respect our husbands. It doesn’t say “Hey, respect your husband, mkay? But, of course, only if he is nice to you and only if he says all the right things and only if he meets all of our needs and only if he never messes up and only if he fits the bill of what we think the perfect husband should be.” There is no wiggle room there, just a command.
Once you have digested that, let’s move on by looking at the definition for the verb respect:
1. To regard; to have regard to in design or purpose.
2. To have regard to, in relation or connection; to relate to. The treaty particularly respects our commerce.
3. To view or consider with some degree of reverence; to esteem as possessed of real worth.
4. To look towards.
(taken from Noah Webster’s 1828 Dictionary)
I think the first definition is very fitting in our marriage topic. Our husbands have been purposed and designed for the role of head in their home by God. “For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.” -Ephesians 5:23 Ladies, we are to “regard” and “consider with . . . reverence” that position that God put our man in. It is not because he is better than we are or more mature that we must respect him. No. It is because of the office of headship ordained by God.
And just what does respect look like?
If this is a problem for you, I suggest three little (but important because of the possible impact!) actions.
- Stop talking.
Yes. If he says something you do not like don’t start in by mouthing off. Remember that he is owed respectful speech, whether he deserves it or not. I personally struggle with saying the first thing that comes off of the top of my head to my husband. Not only does it end up making me look ridiculous but I usually hurt and dishonor my husband by my words.
One big no-no is to never, and I mean never, talk badly about your husband in any way, shape, or form to anyone. There will be times when his faults and sins will need to be discussed with the right people (pastors, etc) but speaking badly about him and mocking him in public reeks of disrespect. I hurt when I have been in circles of women and they do nothing but share what their husbands faults are. I think the world would be a lot happier place if there were instead groups of women who did nothing but share what their husbands did right.
- Purpose your thoughts to be thoughts of respect.
This one is hard because oftentimes the mind is the hardest organ to control. It is very easy to go down those rabbit trail and be sucked in by Satan’s lies. Hubby misses taking out the trash can and as we stew over that it turns to how much he doesn’t do and how he never meets your needs and so on and so on. This is very dangerous. My suggestion? Nip it in the bud. Instead of letting that bag of trash get to you why not think intently on something that he has done right? “It was so awesome that he took me out to dinner last night because I was so tired. How thoughtful!” or “What a great guy! He put the kids to bed so I could get some other things done.” It may be hard to find something positive to think about, especially for those whose marriages have been steamrolled by years of hurt. I urge you to look for something, anything positive and focus on that.
- Remember.
This is an act of obedience to your heavenly Father. When you are disrespectful to your husband you are disobeying and dishonoring your God. Not only are you hurting your marriage but you are telling God that you don’t care whom He put in charge but you are going to do it your way. The other things do not matter if you are not doing this out of a heart ready to trust in Him and His ways. I urge you, sisters, to please Him with your actions and words toward your husband. You may not see immediate change but you will know regardless that you have fulfilled God’s command.
Sandra over at Heart for Him is sharing her thoughts on respecting our husbands. Be sure to head over there!
Photo credits: dlinny,
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Teri Lynne on Tue, 12th Jan 2010 7:36 am
Thank you, Kelly, for this important reminder that respecting our husbands isn’t an “if we want to” thing … it’s a matter of obedience to God. What a powerful truth!
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Kelly Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Yes, and probably the hardest truth in marriage. I know that God notices, though!
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Brooke on Tue, 12th Jan 2010 9:55 am
I made up my mind a long time ago that no matter how I felt about his faults I would only praise my husband “at the gates.” I love to tell people how wonderful he is! ANd he’s not perfect, believe you me!
No, marriage is not what I dreamed it would be. Not even close. My fairy tale burst into flames a long time ago. But what I have propells me to the Cross and gives me a choice to be a better me, or a worse one. I hope I always choose the better.
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Kelly Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:28 pm
Great comment, Brooke! Praising him in front of others is so very important. I really really really wish more women (especially Christian women!) would do this.
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Kelli on Tue, 12th Jan 2010 10:17 am
Hmmmm, this really hits home with me. My theme for this year is obedience and though in my heart that meant to obey God in all ways, it didn’t occur to my head that disrespecting my husband was an act of disobedience…and it is…blatantly that.
I have major issues with this and unfortunately have believed all the lies and excuses for why I’m “entitled” to speak my mind, why I “deserve” love from him and why I demand a perfect father for my daughter. Never once have I looked at it from his point of view in how flawed he may see me as well, yet he still keeps a calm spirit with me. I’m all but deserving.
Thank you for this reminder…I would say gentle reminder, but it was pretty much a proverbial bat to the head for me. And as painful as that is…sometimes I love how God chooses to speak truth into our lives.
Blessings,
Kelli
[Reply]
Kelly Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:27 pm
Sorry to hit you over the head with this one, Kelli.
I hope that it encourages you to keep going even when you do not feel like it.
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Sandra on Tue, 12th Jan 2010 10:51 am
“Stop talking” I love it! We act like giving respect is so hard, but sometimes it is as easy as “stop talking!” And following God’s command is what it’s all about. Thanks for the great post!
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Kelly Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:27 pm
Yep, if I stop talking many times I will find that it nips the problem in the bud. I much prefer silence than marital grief.
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Kristi_runwatch on Tue, 12th Jan 2010 11:08 am
EXCELLENT post, Kelly.
“It is not because he is better than we are or more mature that we must respect him. No. It is because of the office of headship ordained by God.”
So. true. This is a hard one to wrap our heads around while living in this culture – we need to challenge one another to think about it seriously!!
Thanks for the godly advice.
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Kelly Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:26 pm
I hope this post was helpful, Kristi. Sometimes there are women who, because of what their husbands have done to destroy their marriage, have nothing else left in them but to be respectful out of obedience to God.
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Cynthia on Tue, 12th Jan 2010 2:50 pm
My mother modeled respect and I have been very blessed because of that heritage. Allowing my husband to be the head of our home actually is a good thing. God did not create me to have wide shoulders to carry that responsibility. When I respect my husband, it gives him encouragement to lead as God has commanded him to do. And, as always, God blesses when we obey him even when we don’t feel like it.
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Kelly Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:24 pm
Amen, Cynthia! Your comment inspired me to make sure that I am careful to model respect towards my husband especially in front of my children. The effects of this will carry over into their adult lives!
[Reply]
FYFS: Respecting Our Husbands « Closing Time on Tue, 12th Jan 2010 3:58 pm
[...] Kelly at Wisdom Begun and Sandra at Heart for Him have both written excellent posts on respecting our husbands. Just click on their names to read their posts… [...]
Erin @ Closing Time on Tue, 12th Jan 2010 4:01 pm
This post is so excellent! It really is a simple matter of obedience, but sometimes we need to be reminded of that! Thanks!
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Kelly Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:24 pm
You are welcome. I need to be reminded of this often. Please tell me I am not the only one! LOL
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Sandy on Tue, 12th Jan 2010 4:34 pm
Thank you for this great post!
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Kelly Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
You are so welcome, Sandy!
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FY,FS! Respect Your Husband | Argyle & Apricots on Tue, 12th Jan 2010 7:31 pm
[...] We continue into Week 2 of Fresh Year, Fresh Start with two awesome posts. One from Sandra from Heart for Him and Kelly from Wisdom Begins. [...]
Muthering Heights on Tue, 12th Jan 2010 7:55 pm
Slam dunk!!!!
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Kelly Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
LOL Thank you!
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Lori Zimbardi on Tue, 12th Jan 2010 8:26 pm
“When we were first married I think we can safely assume that most of us had our heads in the clouds.”
Yep, that was me. I guess you know by now, I have been so disrespectful to my hubby in the past. I still catch myself heading down that dark road. Great post and great reminders of who God had made our hubby’s to be.
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Kelly Reply:
January 15th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
Thanks, Lori. I still find that my heads get caught up in the clouds from time to time. God is so faithful to jerk it back to reality, though.
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He Will Fail You... | Argyle & Apricots on Fri, 15th Jan 2010 9:58 am
[...] bit… as mine are. Lori kicked us off with a fresh look at submission, Kelly reminded us that respecting our husbands is an act of obedience, and Sandra reminded us that respect begins in our hearts. Jessica challenged us to fix that [...]
Living on the Roof? « Closing Time on Fri, 15th Jan 2010 2:07 pm
[...] Respect – An Act of Obedience by Kelly at Wisdom Begun [...]
Heather Mac on Sun, 17th Jan 2010 5:57 pm
Great reminder. The silence is the best reaction for my quick toungue. I may actually have a permenant scare on my toungue from physically biting it, but end up with a much greater spiritual truth . . . by obeying my husband, I am obeying God. Someone once asked me, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married?” I ask myself this very question before I react. Saved myself a lot of regrets that way.
Thanks for sharing. Great resource today.
Have a blessed week.
Heather Mac
[Reply]
Worth Reading Wednesday « The Dutton Summit on Wed, 27th Jan 2010 7:42 am
[...] Ok, wives…this is a must read. What a wonderful job by Kelly over at Wisdom Begun. Yes, this is 2 posts that she’s done that I find worth reading. Actually, I find a lot of her stuff worth reading because she’s incredibly cross centered, and full of grace. Here is another post that really affected me this week: Respect: An Act of Obedience [...]